The Heart Heads South

I miss those southern rain storms, sweet tea, and the love-filled life style. Now that I think about it my heart yearns in desire to return. I don't want to come to visit. I'd be coming home to stay this time.

Memories linger in those Tennessee mountains and that Chattahoochee River. How many times we tubed down that cool, cool water and rode up such majestic slopes of God's gorgeous masterpiece. You are my love Georgia clay, warm rain, and the sweet slangy drawl that so preciously rolls off one's tongue. Days are remembered as a child of loving the exact place where I was at: horses, country music, and the affection of my grandma sittin' on her front porch. Never will those memories diminish.

Life has become hectic and boring at times. Days run together, school overwhelms, and I cannot seem to find even a few moments to sit down and smile. A time will come, I remind myself, that I will return home with my family and my heart will once again be full. As I wait for that day I try and find my place on Iowa soil for the time being.

teachers and their favorites;;

There is absolutely nothing more annoying than a teacher having favorites. Trying to get a certain teacher to like you is like squeezing a lemon through a raindrop. No matter what you do, how hard you try, or how many 100%s you can achieve, their opinion does not change.

On the other hand, I do not enjoy being a teacher's pet. An adult supervisor over such a vast amount of students needs to either maintain no personal relationship with any of them or appear to be interested in helping all of them. When an opportunity is offered to me I assume it is offered to all other students. I do not want to be favored nor do I think it is justifiable for any other students to be favored.

To go along with that, some teachers really need to let loose a little bit. I mean, COME ON! Advisory? What's the fucking point? No one enjoys it or learns from anything we do in there. Thirty minutes of reading is not going to smarten our generation either. Maybe the kids aren't smart because the teachers aren't doing a good job. Ever think of that?

And the Dance Begins

I do, I miss that smile,
I miss you, my old friend.
When it comes down to it,
You sure were a special gem.

You held me to high standards,
Even when I wanted to croak.
Life can be so deceiving,
But your faith was best of folk.

Your beauty sure does radiate,
That smile of yours so true.
Believe me when I tell you,
I am here until the night is blue.

Don't loose hope in all life's blessings,
I know you'll make it through.
With or without me,
To yourself you must remain true.

Smile at God's slight glimpses,
And dance when the song ends.
To the beat of your heart's drum,
Is where your story begins.

Iowa Snow Bunnies!

Ahh, the joys of winter! The first snow is always fun; snow angels, snow ball fights, and RE learning how to drive in the snow after a beautiful few months off. After two months of the HEAVIEST snow I've seen in my life, it is no longer a joyous thing to see. I cannot imagine coming to Iowa this year, of all years, to then be hit with all the terrible weather we've had during this disastrous time.

You see, I drive a little '91 Volvo that cannot seem to get around in this weather to save its life. We've come to call her Thelma. Being a southern name, it fits my little Volvo just right. Thelma was originally from Atlanta, GA and came to Iowa just last March. She was not ready to see the amounts of winter mess her new home had in store for her. Time and time again she finds herself stuck in the delima of thick snow, ice, and no traction under her poor little tires. She begins to weep when such is the case described.

She is sick of this weather, as are the rest of us! School is called off, businesses are shut down, and the entire town of Atlanta seems to hibernate if only half an inch of snow hits the ground. She enjoys that much better...so she says ;). We are tougher here in Iowa. A lot of action takes place and the world does not seem to end when even six to nine inches pile up on the Iowa roadways. Thelma, as it is known by many, has a negative attitude towards this. Her tires spin and she spits out chunks of snow/ice mix onto the car behind her. This is her way of telling me that I'm not being a good mommy by bringing her into conditions in which she is unfit for.

To conclude, all we can hope for is that this summer truely makes up for all of this dreary weather and restores my little Thelma to her happy and exciting self! :)

A nice end to a wonderful day;;

Bed time...ahh it feels so good to have a roof over my head and warm blankets over my body. It is nice to know I don't have to fight for food and dig for anything other than my chap stick some times. My heart goes out to the suffering and dying, the cold and the lonely, and those so deep and dark in secrets that life seems unlivable.

Paying it forward is what they call it. I may not have the resources to go overseas and help the Haitians or even help the suicidal student that sits to my right every day at eleven o'clock. I do know that I do what I can. Lately it seems as though I am doing right by reattaching a daughter and her long lost father. A few months ago I listened closely as he told me story after story of his long hippie life well lived. As my ears appeared to be opened miles wide, I heard the slight name of his daughter and I grabbed it and ran. I was soon to look her up everywhere- facebook, myspace, twitter...where ever I thought I may be able to find this little desperate and hurt girl. Hurt, yes I knew she was, because I know to grow up without a father is devastating.

Getting in contact with her, I waisted no time. Did she want to take my hand and allow me to reconnect her with him? No, but the door, as I made sure she knew damn well, was always open. I have yet to connect with her since. Yesterday I received a message on facebook from a woman I had apparently accepted a friend request from months ago. I had no idea we were even friends. She explained in her note that she was this girl's older sister and she wanted to know what was going on. I was honest with her in explaining the long distance and years worth of the friendship between her sister's father and me. Telling her I thought this man had changed his ways since sixteen years prior, I knew he was not going to ever be a wonderful parent but I also knew he wants nothing more than to know the very daughter he had a part of bringing into this world.

I did not think much of it after hanging the phone up with her and did not tell anyone that I had talked to her. When "paying it forward" I rarely tell when a good deed has been passed. God smiles and that is all that I need to warm my heart. The reconnection of this family has been on my heart today and when I returned home after a long day, I got online to search this young girl's older sister on facebook. As soon as I got to her page I read something she had posted last night: "Rachel Catherine thank you from the bottom of my heart!!" Following my smile when this small but significant post was read, I could do nothing but simply thank God for the ability to simply help reconnect a family broken and possibly be a part of restoring His daughter's relationship with her father.

What a nice way to end nothing but a wonderful day.

Beamer, my love.

He is my faithful steed; one who contains strength in his stride and power in his soul. Beamer, my love and my friend is to me as a child is to a parent. From day one there has been no doubt in my mind the unconditional love that captured my soul and bound us together. I waited years to find such an incredible and undying love and bond with a horse. Little to my knowledge, he was out there...it just took a little searching to find.

We ride miles upon miles together. All around the country we travel, hand and hoof not more than a few feet apart. I guide him and he listens willingly. Between my Beamer and I, it was love at first sight.

SO...to the point! I don't mean to get all mushy gushy on you. I mean COME ON NOW! :) Anyways, this morning I woke to a deathly scream from my sister. I immediately jump out of bed, run upstairs, and look outside the kitchen window to see my horse laying on the ground , hooves up, and tangled in some sort of wire. This seemed peculiar to me, being that only a tiny piece of our fencing is wire. I then throw my boots on and run outside. Since I could not see too well from the house, I ran as fast as I possibly could with snow and ice underneath me to then encounter the love of my life hurt and destitute. My heart immediately dropped.

My sister had beat me down to him, but as soon as I got to him I got down on my knees and threw my arms, as best as I could, around him. When I heard the heavy and deep breath of my 'child' struggling, the tears started rolling. My first thought was, "How do I get him out of this! We don't even have wire cutters." Immediately I jumped up and ran to my car to then run to the neighbor's house who might possibly have the tools needed to cut my baby loose. Sure enough they did and soon we were on our way back to release him from his misery.

My neighbor, Mike walked me back to Beamer with the tools in hand that we needed to get him loose. He told me to put my knee between his neck and head and pull his head towards me by his halter. I was quick to get in position, as I wanted him to be relieved. We then got him loose and he stood up. He was shaking from lying on the cold ground for God only knows how long. He was probably in a little bit of shock, also. Mean while, the vet and my mom had already been called and were on their way to tend to the situation.

I could see his front left leg was beaten up. The hair had been torn off, but I could tell he did not act foolish and struggle much. If he had, he may have ended up with a broken leg or an even more serious injury to the tendon. My baby is smart! :) After we got him up I walked him around the barn to stretch his legs and get the blood flowing back through his body to warm him up. He was a little shocked, but for the most part did an excellent job recovering quickly and understanding the need to stay calm (which is hard for most Arabian horses!)

The vet showed about thirty minutes later and was grateful not to see a horse with a broken leg or anything worse than was. He gave me some antibiotics and bute to help Beamer recover without any infections or other problems. I was so thankful at this point. What a trooper Beamer is!

Of course, being the mommy I am I worried about him throughout the entire day. I worried if he was warm and if he was okay alone in his stall while the other horses were outside. I wondered how long this injury would take to heal...blah blah blah. When I got home tonight, the FIRST thing I did was go down to the barn to check on him. He looked as though he was resting peacefully, but I got him out anyways. I fed him an apple and brushed him off a little bit. Beamer loves nothing more than all the TLC he can get! I watched his eyes lighten as I loved on him; being as though all the pain was relieved. What a sweet boy I have!

I now look forward to watching Beamer heal and conquer something that could have been SO bad. He is very strong willed and we will get through this. It will take a lot of love and care on my part, which I am MORE than willing to give after all he has given me. I reflect back on my day and I know I would never know good if it were not for the bad. "Wait for the day," I tell myself, "in which you can get back on your faithful steed's back and ride fifty miles once again and remember what a tough cookie he is." I know my Beamer will carry me through hell and high water. Everything about the inside and outside of my horse is good for the inside of me!

Thank God for today.

A house I have lived in; a home I have never come to know.
It is temporary and short-lived.

Good night world, I have no other words tonight.